


First Choice

by eating-mooncakes (Catherine_Mooncakes)



Category: Keeper of the Lost Cities Series - Shannon Messenger
Genre: F/M, don't yell at me this was a baby project and I have no idea how to finish it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:15:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23046148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catherine_Mooncakes/pseuds/eating-mooncakes
Summary: This is the first chapter of a three-part piece that is set in the future of KotLC. In this setting, Sophie has been declared matchable and is in a relationship with Fitz Vacker. Keefe has found out. This chapter details the encounter between Sophie and Keefe.It takes place about six years after Sophie came to the Lost Cities, making her about 18.Inspiration credit to @𝓈𝓌𝑒𝑒𝓉𝓃𝑒𝓈𝓈#1407 on Discord.
Relationships: Keefe Sencen & Fitz Vacker, Sophie Foster/Fitz Vacker, Sophie Foster/Keefe Sencen
Comments: 15
Kudos: 28





	1. The Encounter

Keefe’s heart ached deeply. Tears threatened to break through his barrier, but he held them back. He had to be happy for Sophie.

But he couldn’t take his eyes off the cuff she was wearing.

_Fitzroy Avery Vacker_.

Sophie was prattling on about a new book she’d read, sitting on her bed, but he couldn’t listen. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t breathe.

That should be _his_ name.

Fitz couldn’t be the one for her. It was Keefe, wasn’t it?

A tear leaked out of the corner of his eye, and he tried to push it away quickly. This wasn’t right. He had to be happy for her. He didn’t deserve her.

Then he realized Sophie had stopped talking.

She was looking at him, concerned in a way that made him want to scream. She made her choice, and he had to live with it. That was all there was to it.

“Keefe?” Sophie reached for his hand. “Are you okay?”

“I’m—I’m oka—” His words stuck in his throat.

“Keefe,” Sophie looked at him gently. “Are you okay?”

“Sophie.” Keefe looked away. “This isn’t important.”

“ _You_ are important.” Sophie creased her eyebrows.

Keefe swallowed. “I just… Sophie…” His eyes were drawn back to her cuffs.

Sophie followed his gaze and sucked in a breath. “Keefe? Is this about—do you—” She pulled her hand away. “You don’t—you can’t—”

“I… do.”

Keefe turned away quickly, walking across her room toward the door. He shouldn’t be saying this. “Sophie, I can’t do this. I shouldn’t be going against your happiness.”

“Keefe?” Sophie stood abruptly. “Keefe, don’t leave!”

He looked back at her. A tear escaped. “Sophie… I have to let you go.”

Sophie ran. She grabbed his arm, eyes filling. “Keefe, we… we could try it!”

Keefe froze.

“Try… it….” he repeated, at a loss for jokes. “Try it?

“Sophie, this isn’t something you ‘try.’ You can’t just… test boyfr—us out and drop us if you don’t like us. That’s not how it works.”

Sophie recoiled visibly, and Keefe winced at his own words. “I’m sorry, Sophie—I didn’t mean that!”

She turned away. Keefe heard a sniffle. “No, Keefe, you’re right. I can’t use you like that. But…” She stopped. “No, I can’t ‘but’ this. Keefe, I like you.” She blushed. “I mean I like you, normally, or maybe I guess I like you, like like-like you?” She spoke quickly, frazzled. “I don’t know!”

Keefe finished his walk to the door, opened it, and stepped out.

“Sophie, it’s just… You must know.” He glanced at her crush cuffs and ran his fingers through his hair. “I wanted to be your first choice just this once. I thought you would choose me. I thought I had something better. But now that you’re matchable, I guess I’ll never be your first choice.”

He closed the door.


	2. Ro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter shows the conversation Keefe has with Ro after his encounter with Sophie.

“She had WHAT on?”

Keefe winced at Ro’s yell. “Crush cuffs, Ro. She had on crush cuffs.”

Ro whipped out a dagger and waved it around, her pink braids flopping. “THEY BETTER HAVE HAD YOUR NAME ON THEM, OR I’VE GOT A FIGHT TO START.”

Keefe sighed and closed his eyes. “Ro… I’ve just got to let go.”

“She was YOUR lady and that jerk had the NERVE to take her away, and I will KILL him.” Ro gave him a sweet smile. “Don’t get in my way.”

“Ro, she’s not mine! She was never mine!” Keefe wiped tears from his face.

Ro snarled, but she sheathed her dagger. “That charmboy doesn’t deserve her.”

“But, Ro, that’s exactly the problem.” Keefe sobbed. “He does deserve her. He does. I never had her, but I lost her. She’s not mine. She never was. She’s found her match, and it’s not me.” He took a shaky breath. “And I have to live with it.”

“You DON’T have to live with it!” Ro insisted. “I could get you that girl in ten seconds flat!”

“Ro.” Keefe shook his head. “She made her choice.”

Her eyes softened, and she came to sit down next to him on his bed. “Keefe, she doesn’t realize that you’re the right choice. You need to show her.”

“I’m not getting in the way of her happiness.”

“But you already have! Do you think she’s just gonna ‘get over’ your little encounter today? She wants to choose you! You have to show her that you’re the right choice!”

“I’m not the right choice, Ro. I’m not. The right choice is the person she chose. The one that isn’t broken.” He turned away.

Ro opened her mouth, then closed it. With a growl, she stalked over to the door to stand guard.

And Keefe wept.


	3. Journaling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Keefe continues to react to the event. He's been attending therapy, and that comes out here, where he tries to work through a panic attack, with the help of a friend.

The therapist had told Keefe that journaling could help with the pain. So he journaled. Every day he journaled.

But it was harder today.

Every time he started to write, he stopped. How could he explain what happened? It was too much.

 _Today, I lost my chance with Sophie_ , Keefe wrote. He crumpled his face and scratched it out.

_Sophie,_ he began again. _I think I’m in love with you, and that scares me to death._

_You deserve to be happy._

_You deserve better than me._

_But I’m scared. I’m scared because I can’t help falling in love with you. I can’t help loving you._

_It’s been six years since you came to the Lost Cities. Six years. And every one of the days I’ve spent with you has been incredible._

_I’ve fallen in love with you, and now there’s nothing to do but fall out._

_There’s nothing to do but let my heart break._

_There’s nothing to do but let go._

Keefe put down the pen and rested his head in his hands, unable to continue writing.

He sat there for a few moments, breathing and letting himself cry like he’d been told to.

But as his breath came faster, he knew that he couldn’t handle this on his own.

Forcing himself to move, he reached down and pulled his Imparter out of his ankle pocket. “Show me Fitz,” he whispered.

The Imparter had barely vibrated for more than a few seconds when a familiar face appeared.

“Keefe?” Fitz asked, his eyebrows creasing. “What’s wrong?”

Keefe was nearly hyperventilating. Thoughts rushed through his mind. _Sophie hates me. It’s your fault. I’ll never be loved. My life is over. What’s the point?_

Fitz, realization coming over his face, sprung into action.

“Keefe, take deep breaths. Now name five things you can see around you. Now name four things you can feel.” The instruction continued, and gradually Keefe brought himself back.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Fitz asked softly, the instruction finished.

“I think…” Keefe closed his eyes. “I think I’ll rest now.”

“Okay.” Fitz nodded. “Take care of yourself. And if there’s anything I can do to help—” his face darkened “—let me know.”

Keefe nearly laughed at the absurdity of it all. Fitz was one of the people who caused the problem.

But all he said was, “Okay.”

They hung up, and Keefe went to lie down. Dark thoughts tried to creep back in, but he pushed them away. He was strong. Things would be better once he had rested.

At least he had a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The panic attack calming method used here is called grounding. To perform it, you name five things you can see, four things you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
> 
> There is hope, and there is help. Maybe there's no one you can talk to face-to-face, but there's a community ready to support you online. Heck, if you really need someone to talk to, my Discord is Catherine#8099. I'll talk to you via messages or voice calls, whichever you need.
> 
> There is hope, and there is help.


	4. Happy Endings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Keefe pays a visit to Lady Chesna, his therapist (and an Original Character of mine).

“All I wanted was a happy ending.” Keefe closed his eyes and leaned his head against the back of the dark blue couch.

Lady Chesna nodded, her afro bouncing slightly. “I understand.”

There was a moment’s pause. Keefe felt tears in his eyes and kept them closed so they couldn’t leak out.

Lady Chesna took a deep breath. “Do you think that you can’t have a happy ending now?”

Keefe opened his eyes and tried to subtly wipe the tears away. “I… don’t know. I guess maybe I can. But Sophie has always been there for me.”

“Haven’t there been other people who were there for you?” Lady Chesna asked.

“I guess… Fitz?” Keefe’s voice cracked.

Lady Chesna nodded again. “It hurts losing Sophie like this, doesn’t it? But remember that Fitz always protected you from your parents too. He was an escape for you too.”

“But Sophie is the one I’m meant to be with!” More tears, this time angry, spilled out of his eyes. “Yeah, Fitz has been there for me, but Sophie was meant to be mine. Sophie was meant to be with me.”

“Maybe she was, and maybe she wasn’t.” Lady Chesna pursed her lips. “But Keefe?” She paused until he looked up at her. “Remember that happy endings don’t have to be what you expect them to be.”

As always, Lady Chesna had left a few minutes at the end of the appointment for Keefe to process and clean up before he had to go through the lobby. He wiped his tears away and took a few deep breaths.

He would find his happy ending.


End file.
